If you want
a modern example of how hard-wired we are to conform just look at the “Meghan
Markle Effect”. On an early official visit with Prince Harry the handbag she
was carrying sold out within 11 minutes (link below). For some the need to be
just like someone high profile is a powerful force. For others, obviously, this
type of conformity is less important, some people go through life only
conforming as they need to for others conformity appears to be much more
important than their individuality.
As we hit
mid-life our urge to conform hits a wall as we re-evaluate our place in the
world. The thing is, nowadays, conformity has many challenges, conflicts and
choices!
Once upon a
time – a century or two ago – life was a lot simpler. Everyone knew their place
within their community and social circle and change came slowly because news
travelled relatively slowly (a gross over simplification but you get the
idea!). Then came along mass production, mass media and change at what seems
like lightening pace.
In this
multi-media global world there are so many different ways to conform that it
adds an extra layer of mental stress for many people.
We are now
able to identity with and conform to an ever increasing range of ideas, people
or organisations. Some people moan about the “cult of celebrity” that has grown
but it is hardly surprising given the amount of television exposure and the availability
of different role models nowadays.
While I have
no personal urge to wear David Beckham’s pants (or whatever it is he is selling
at the moment) I can understand how some people feel their identity fits in
with that culture and buying celebrity endorsed clothing is their way of
conforming to that identity.
Obviously
there are dangers in conformity, some people’s need to conform is so strong
that they end up in cults, gangs, or victims of unscrupulous people.
The real challenge in today’s world is
to find the way that fits you and fits your individuality.
YOU being
the most important element because there are many people out there who want you
to conform to their way. We all know what it was like when we were younger, at
school, when peer pressure impacts on lives but this continues throughout our
lives just in a more subtle way. Obviously politicians, advertisers and
companies pressure us to conform but there are also more personal pressures
that we do not always realise.
You strive
to be the ideal parent, spouse, child but your parent, spouse or child may have
a different idea of what that ideal is and they will pressure you in to
conforming to their ideals rather than your own. This, in turn, may make us
feel guilty that we are not meeting the other persons expectations, that somehow
we are wrong (perhaps stupid) in our own ideas or we can become resentful as we
feel others are trying to change us.
Obviously we
can all be guilty of doing that to others as well if our ideas are different
from thiers.
Where we
feel we are being pressured in to conforming to a role, or aspect of that role,
that makes us uncomfortable we need to learn to be comfortable in expressing
our concerns with others.
We need to learn
how to be ourselves not try to be the person that everyone else wants us to be
yet we also need to learn tolerance of how others choose to conform in their
own way.
There is
nothing wrong with following the crowd, it is what we are naturally wired to
do, and the choice facing us in these times is which crowd (or crowds) suits our
individuality the best. In mid-life it is also natural to question whether or
not the life you conform to now is the one that still best suits you and
whether or not it is time for change.
If you want to buy Meghan Markle’s handbag
feel free to do so.
Meghan
Markle’s Handbag Sold Out in Minutes - http://www.elleuk.com/fashion/celebrity-style/news/a40295/meghan-markle-strathberry-handbag-sells-out/
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