Believe
it or not random strangers have an impact on our lives, more particularly, on
how we behave.
This
is because we tend to be more self-conscious when we are around strangers,
leading us to either be more guarded in what we say or do or even avoiding a
situation all together.
This
can be especially true when we hit mid-life. We can be a little more unsure of
ourselves as changes in our lives happen and we attempt new things.
Have
you ever been on a training course or started an evening class where nobody
really knows each other? There is always that moment when the tutor fist asks
the class a question and everyone looks around, afraid to answer in case they
make a fool of themselves. Or, perhaps, you have put of doing something, like
going to the gym, because you are worried about what other people may think of
you.
We
tend to be more like this the more distant our relationship from people. With
family and close friends will be a lot more comfortable and freer in how we
behave, with work colleagues or acquaintances we will be somewhat guarded and a
little conscious of how we are behaving but with strangers we will be a lot
more self-conscious.
The
ironic thing is we tend to over-estimate the amount of attention other people
are giving us meaning we need be less self-conscious when we are around
strangers. It is something known as the spotlight effect.
What
we humans tend to notice most is difference and we are most likely to spot
difference in people we are closer to. If, for example, I, with my receding
hairline, we to suddenly start wearing an elaborate toupee, those people I see
regularly would certainly notice it (and comment on it!). However people I
don’t know would not know what I looked like without it and therefore pay less
attention. The may see a random stranger wearing a toupee and have a smirk to
themselves but they would soon forget about it.
And,
just as you are busy worrying about what other people think, so are they and
therefore not really noticing things that others around them are doing.
If
we go back to the classroom example, one brave soul answers the tutor but gives
the wrong answer, they will probably be thinking “everyone else probably thinks
I am stupid” whereas everyone else is more likely to be thinking “thank God
that wasn’t me”!
If
you are self-conscious about your body and reluctant to go to the gym, remember
that most other people there are focussing on what they are doing and their own
self-conscious thoughts not leaving time for studying anyone else (and if you
have ever been to a gym you will know there is a certain percentage of people
far too busy looking at themselves and hoping others will be looking at them
too!)
So
never be put off doing something or be overly self-conscious when you are in
the company of strangers.
If
you are putting of doing something because of this then recruit a friend to go
with you if possible (there is safety in numbers!), if they can’t go with you
simply speak to them about your fears, going into a new situation just knowing
you have supportive friends and family waiting for you at home can alleviate
some of the worries.
Always
keep in mind that others are feeling, to some degree or another, the same as
you. They are worried more about what you are thinking of them and by
recognising that in others it is easier to build a rapport and make the
situation a little easier for you all.
The
company of random strangers immediately sets off our self-consciousness but
armed with the knowledge that those random strangers are actually more focussed
on their own self-consciousness, rather than critically assessing us, we can
move forward with more confidence.
No comments:
Post a Comment