What If….
A small phrase but a powerful one. It can
catapult us upwards to great heights of achievement or it can plunge us
downwards into the dark depths of despair. It just depends on where we use it
in our thoughts.
Our ‘what ifs’ can be located in the past,
present or future.
If we use it in our thoughts of the past then
it becomes a dangerous thing, especially in mid-life because when we use ‘what
ifs’ in reflections of our past we are trying to change something that can’t be
changed.
It would be a very unusual thing to reach
mid-life without collecting a few regrets on the way and, as we reach a point
where we are likely to reflect on our lives, it could be easy to add ‘what if’s’
into those thoughts. When you do that, it can lead to a chain of thought that
impacts on you in the present.
Regrets in life are inevitable but they are the
result of learning something new after the event. At the actual time you made
the decision, or whatever it is you regret, you made the best choice for
yourself with the information you had at that time. Regrets are important, they
help us learn and make better choices in the future but when we focus on them
and add in the what if’s. “What if I hadn’t have done it.” “What if I hadn’t
said that.”, etc. we are starting to wish our lives had been different in the
past, we can easily begin to resent what we have in the present.
The past can’t be changed (I can hear some
clever soul saying “but what if it could”!),
we can reflect on the past, we can learn from the past, we can use the past to
influence our present and our future but we can’t change it. By imagining that
we are simply damaging our present because we are focusing on regrets rather
than what we can do to improve our lives for the future.
On the flip side ‘What Ifs’ in thoughts of the
present or future will move us forwards. Not necessarily in a good way, there
can be negative thoughts as well as positive ones, but they will drive our
actions and deeds.
‘What Ifs’ have a tendency to spiral. So if we
are in a negative frame of mind and we begin to speculate on ‘what ifs’ it can
move us further into that negative mindset.
When that happens it can be difficult to break
the cycle. It is all very well others saying “think positive thoughts” or
telling us to “snap out of it” but it takes more than that. How we escape that
cycle is a very individual thing but, a common thread you may recognise in
these posts, the more aware we are of ourselves the better we can deal with
these things. Once we recognise we are in a negative ‘what if’ cycle the easier
it is to break free from it.
If we apply ‘what ifs’ to positive thoughts we
can lift ourselves and our lives to new heights. Stretching our imagination
positively leads us towards what we really want from life. Again these ‘what
ifs’ tend to spiral, we need to be a little careful because we can just get
caught in daydreaming mode. We need to ensure we have that positive mindset and
ensure we take positive action to implement those ‘what ifs’.
A simple example, I want this blog to be a
success and people to benefit from it. For that to happen I need plenty of
people to read it. “What if,” I think, “I add a small paragraph on the bottom
asking people to share
this blog.” Then, as I am actually writing that I think “What
if I write a post about What Ifs” again moving everything another step forward
and, in turn, creating more ‘what ifs’ to be implemented soon!
‘What Ifs’ appear to be an ingrained part of
human thinking. They represent the possibilities of what could have been or
what will be but they are both potentially dangerous and delightful and we need
to be able to recognise each, dismissing those negative thoughts and embracing
the positive ones.
What if, right now, you think of a ‘what if’
that will take you toward success and contentment and implement that what if as
soon as possible.
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